After the hit and run

Last week, my car was hit by someone dropping their kid off at the high school. They hit my car, parked in front of my house, and left. Yup. No note, just left. Nearly a week later, I finally took my car in for an estimate. It’s not a new car, but it runs okay. The heater core needs to be replaced, but other than that, it’s a good car. We have collision, so our insurance will cover it. (Do I think it should have to? No. Obviously, the person who hit my car should act like responsible and step forward, but, barring that, it is why we pay the insurance company.) So, I went into the auto body shop today to see what the damage is. It doesn’t look good.

The other car (a 4×4) rammed my car hard enough to push the back wheels 2′ from the curb. As a result, the left, front wheel is slightly tilted inward. (This would explain why the wheel feels like it’s wobbling when I drive.)

Back to the body shop. They looked at the car and shook their heads. It’s not a new car. I’ve had since 97, it’s paid for, it runs, and I can’t see the point in purchasing a new one…until now. If the damage is more than the car is worth, they will total it. My neighbor, who is in the insurance business, suggested that I purchase it back from the junk dealer and have it fixed with the money they give me for the totaled car. That’s a good idea. I wouldn’t have car payments. My insurance wouldn’t increase. My registration would continue to go down. But the car will go to a junkyard when there isn’t really that much wrong with it. In a few years, the transmission will probably go. That’ll be another couple thousand dollars, but I still get 25 miles to gallon  on the freeway, and I have a hard time just throwing something away that is still useful. And, yet, the insurance company would be more than willing to do so.

It doesn’t make sense to put more money into something than it’s worth. I understand this, but, in my mind, I have a hard time justifying sending a perfectly good car to a junk yard. Yes, it’s been damaged, but it can be fixed, and it makes me wonder just how many cars have ended up in the scrap yards just like mine. They have plenty of life left in them, but the damage exceeds the value, and they are deemed not worth fixing.

My last car I sold to someone who could use it. This one, I may not get the chance. So, do I follow the dictates of a throw away society and get a newer car (if mine’s totaled), or do I buy my car from the scrap yard and fix it with the money my insurance will provide?

I guess, until I know what will happen, no decision will be made. I’m just hoping my car can be saved.

Questions for the Voodoo Doll Lady, AKA Debi Sullivan (grin)

I am not one to do interviews on my private blog, but, on occasion, I will slip. Since I believe in this competition, and this organization, and, because I can, today I am interviewing my fearless friend and partner in evil thinking, EPIC Awards chair Debi Sullivan. You will find this interview to be a bit of serious, a bit of silliness, and hopefully entertaining.

So, darling, the deadline to enter EPIC Awards is fast approaching. Could you edify us a bit on what exactly this award that I’ve twittered nearly nonstop for the past month is all about?

EPIC’s annual e-book competition showcases the best of the best in e-publishing. For more information, check out our web announcement at:

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2009/07/prweb2673704.htm

Whose books are eligible?

Any English-language e-book, published between Oct. 1, 2008 and May 31, 2009, that meets our word minimum criteria .Check out the Competition Guidelines at www.epicauthors.com for more details.

When is the latest date someone can enter?

The deadline for submissions is rapidly approaching. The competition closes to entries at midnight CST, on August 15^th, 2009. Payments must be received by midnight on August 16^th.

Hey! If you are an author and haven’t entered yet, best get your butt in gear!

What makes this award different from other writing competitions out there?

EPIC’s EBook Competition is unique in that it reflects the ever-changing changing mores of the e-publishing world. This competition has garnered a reputation for excellence with both entrants and judges, a reputation that will continue to shine as we move into the future. I am extremely proud to know that I have had an integral part in phenomenal changes to this competition.

Are there other reasons you believe this is a good competition to enter?

Gee…there are tons! You get recognition from your peers, find new places to submit, have another place to show off how great your book(s) is, and have bragging rights if you final. Plus, if you win, we give you a cool award you can put on top of your monitor to give you inspiration the next time you have a writer’s block.

How is it judged? Can anyone be a judge?

Our judges come from all arenas of the e- and print publishing industry. Scores are not revealed to anyone but yours truly (bribery doesn’t work, though it HAS been tried).

This award used to known as the EPPIE. Why did the name change?

EPIC learned that another contest had trademarked their competition name and it’s very similar to EPPIE. To avoid a legal battle, EPIC decided to change the name of our competition. Anyone who already has an EPPIE in their possession has a true collectors item. *lol*

EPIC is brewing up a new name. When will we know what it’s called?

The new name will be revealed at EPIC’s annual conference taking place at the Sheraton in New Orleans, LA from March 4-7, 2010. Want to be one of the first ones to know what we pick? Be there!

Now, I’ve seen you at EPICon. (Trust me, people. It’s not a pretty sight. When she gets out her voodoo dolls, you know you are in trouble. ) What possessed you to volunteer as the chair?

Hey! That is only before coffee. Give me coffee in the early hours (FYI: before 10am) and I am an absolute sweetheart.

So, you want the truth or a lie? *LOL*

I believe in what EPIC stands for as an organization and initially *cough* volunteered to work behind the scenes to learn more about this very interesting contest.

I started out as a judge, moved up to category judge coordinator before getting shanghaied (yes, I said shanghaied – too strange of an event to go into here) into being the E-Book Competition Chair. At the time I was also the New Voices Chair, which made for a VERY chaotic and wacky year. Been EPIC’s E-Book Competition Chair for two years now and, yes, I am more than a bit crazy…a fact that will be sworn to by anyone who knows and adores me…or fears me *bwahhahaha*.

What is EPICon?

EPICon is EPIC’s annual convention when all of EPIC’s members get together. We are Par-TY animals! All kidding aside, we have awesome and informative workshops that range from those suitable for young writers to the hottest of the hottest erotica. The awards banquet is always eventful (honest, you have be there to understand the insanity) and you never know who will be there – whether it is Sherrilyn Kenyon or the latest marketing/promo guru and/or agent. It is the perfect venue to mingle with your peers and there is so much going on, there is something for everyone.

We also have a special celebratory luncheon for the winners of our New Voices Young Writers Competition, which promotes Middle and High School-aged authors through a global network. EPIC is very proud of the New Voices Competition (which happens to run from August 1, 2009 through Oct. 20, 2009…hint hint), a perfect platform to educate students and their schools about e-books and the e-publishing industry.

Can only members attend EPICon?

Any industry member is welcome, as long as they are willing to pay the entrance fee. Not being involved in the details, as chair to this e-book competition keeps me hopping, I would suggest checking in at www.epicauthors.com, closer to the end of the year, to learn the nitty-gritty.

On a lighter note: What material do you find is the best for your voodoo dolls? (wink)

Pins…lots and lots of pins! <VEG> and chocolate. Makes poking the pins less painful for ME.

Can chocolate placate you when you are riled? Or do you need something stronger, like ten shots of vodka? (Or maybe chocolate vodka shots.)

Love the darkest chocolate, rich coffee with loads of cream and sugar, and my cancer-sticks. Yeah, I know the latter is not healthy for me…but it IS healthy for the entrants. Keep that in mind if anyone is looking for bribe material. *hehehehe*

Is there anything else you would like to say to my brave readers?

If you are an author – get your book and entry fee together and enter the competition NOW. The clock is counting down.

If you are a reader – go look to see who has entered in the past and buy their books. That means they’re really good. And be sure to check back around the beginning of December 2009 to see who are in the finals …and then go buy THEIR books.

Don’t make me go get the dolls…they love to come out and play!

Thanks for coming and visiting with me. You must come again, but leave your voodoo dolls at home. (grin)

My healthy pancake recipe:

• 1/4 c. organic blanched almond meal (or regular, but blanched is sweeter and lighter texture)
• 1/4 c. organic flax seed meal mixed with chia seed meal (you can buy whole seeds and grind both together)
• 3/4 c. organic flour
• 1 egg
• 1 c. raw milk (you can replace this with coconut/almond/soy milk)
• 2 TBSP raw honey
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1 TBSP coconut oil
• 1 tsp vanilla

Mix dry material in a bowl. Mix egg, milk, and vanilla together. Combine dry mix with egg mixture and add the rest of the ingredients. Stir until mixed well. Ladle out onto preheated griddle. Pour warmed pure maple syrup over buttered pancakes and serve.

Makes: 15-20 small, but filling, pancakes (I can only eat about 3-4  sand dollar size pancakes.)

Some of you may remember that in the 80s-90s coconut oil was considered bad. Well, like so many things of that era, they were wrong. (Other things that were wrong from that era: mullets, leggings — which are making a comeback — Noooo! — big hair — AAAAAAA! — to name a few.)

The efficacy of coconut oil includes, but is not limited to:

1. lowering cholesterol
2. skin
3. digestion
4. heart disease

For more information on coconut oil, you can read about it here.

By the way, I have found that if I make funky-shaped pancakes and let my daughter decide what the shapes are, she loves it. Oh, and she enjoys helping me make them. (Another way to teach math. )

You know you need to throw away a pair of your underwear when:

1. the once opaque material is now see-through;
2. they started out with a crouch, but now you don’t have to take them off to go the bathroom;
3. the elastic band crackles when you stretch it;
4. they are so holey you aren’t sure which ones to put your feet into;
5. safety pins are keeping the seams together;
6. you are using them as a halter top;
7. there is a hole where the skid marks used to be;
8. you haven’t worn size 5T in 20 years;
9. My Little Pony/Batman just looks a little weird on a 30 year old;
10. you had to add a drawstring to keep them up.

You are more than welcome to disseminate this list as long as you accredit it to the authors and link back to my/their site(s). No links to porn sites please! And no porn sites.

You see, my daughter and husband are over at my IL’s house right now, and I am at loose ends. What to do with this time? It’s Sunday. I should relax, but I am on my computer working instead. Oh, it’s a bit lackadaisical, but I am still working. I’ve been writing copy (very poor copy no less) for the New Voices competition website. (I am co-chair of EPIC’s New Voices competition.) I have uploaded some new titles to a few distribution sites. I keep checking my email. So, I haven’t done any heavy work, but nor can I just sit and relax. My dining room table needs to be cleared. I could do that. I could, but I won’t. My coffee table is once again covered with paper. (I am an online publisher. One would think I wouldn’t have so much &*$#% paper!) I could clear that off, and I might. It’s beautiful outside, a balmy 74 degrees. I could be out in the garden pulling weeds. It just doesn’t appeal.

Instead, I sit here, my butt glued to the couch, on my computer. Somehow, I can’t seem to tear myself away.

Perhaps I am not so much a workaholic. Perhaps I am just addicted to the computer.

Sigh… Maybe I need a life beyond my family and my publishing houses. LOL

Watching her, and seeing how much it meant to her to be able to “help” Mommy, I realized something else: the importance of contribution. When you ask someone for help or allow someone to help you (and help them in return), you validate their importance, you give them the opportunity to experience their own worth. This is not about mooching off of others, but showing a child, an elderly person, a peer, and so on that their opinion, their contribution matters, that they can make a difference. You build their confidence, and their desire, and their knowledge, to help others again. You also teach them that receiving is good and natural. Her coloring wasn’t perfect, but the desire to help me, to be a part of what I was doing was.

This afternoon, we went to Target to pick up a gift for one of her friend’s birthdays. I allowed her to pick it out along with the card. First, I am teaching her how to give (children, and some adults–okay, most of us at some point or other–tend to be all about me, me, me). Second, I was showing her with my trust in her decision that she can make decisions. If her friend doesn’t like the gift, well, that’s okay. My daughter chose it with the intent of making her friend happy. (A Barbie mermaid whose hair changes color in the water. The girl should like it. ) She did deliberate between a couple of them before settling on her final choice.

Contribution… Think about this. In the US, we have stripped the older generation of that ability. We make them retire at 65 years old. Some want to; others don’t. Those who do often find themselves at loose ends. They worked for so many years, had a purpose, had a place to be. Now what? Few people listen to them, although with their vast experiences of life, we should. The stories they can tell; the world we will never see as it is long gone. They have much to share…if we would only let them. I often seek my mother’s advice. She is a wise woman, and I am appreciative of what she has to give. I am sharing those same nuggets of wisdom with my daughter, as well as other young women. One in particular made me sit up and wonder what happened. (Tangent coming…)

I was lamenting to my mother how most of the young men now expect favors/sex when they go out on a date with someone and how the young woman feels obligated to “pay out,” so to speak. So, many young women don’t want the guys to pay for everything because of it. My mother said, “I don’t understand why these young men should think that, and I certainly don’t understand why the girl would feel that way. In my day, the boy took the girl out to get to know her better. He paid for the date and was grateful she agreed to go out with him. Paying for a date entitles them to nothing but the pleasure of your company, however you interpret that to mean. If it was me, that wouldn’t mean sex or even a kiss if I didn’t feel like it.”

I shared this bit of wisdom with a number of young women while working of as a librarian at a private acting university. It changed their views. Perhaps irritated a few guys, but, you know, it’s the truth. Those young men were lucky to have a date, and if they don’t want to date her again, then, you know what, they aren’t worth it. (Take back your worth, ladies!)

(End tangent…)

Back to contribution. When someone asks you for advice or you help someone, how does that make you feel? Do you see yourself in a different light when you discover you can help someone, even if it is in a small way? When you participate with a group/volunteer, don’t you enjoy the sense of accomplishment? Sometimes, you might think you don’t have the time. Maybe you think you have to offer to run something in order to really participate/contribute. You don’t. Time expenditure can be big or small. You do only what you can because every little bit helps.

This is just my opinion, but when I join a club, I do so because I believe in what they are doing. However, if I am going to be a part of that group, I will step up to the plate and help. My help may only be judging a five books as I did for the EPPIEs last year or presenting an hour workshop at EPICon, but I will do what I know I can. I have offered to help EPIC with their website updates. Honestly, I don’t have time to become the webmaster, but I am willing to help in some capacity. Do I have the time? Um, not really. My plate is full between two publishing houses, a young child, my husband, and making sure I have a life outside of all that, but I believe in this organization. I will find the time to do it. If I am not going to participate, even in a small way, I might as well stop being a member.

Contribution. Try it. No matter how little it is, you’ll find that it enriches your life. You will get a lot more out of it than you give. And, remember to give others the opportunity to contribute as well.

My daughter’s interpretation of me.

When I first met my husband, I didn’t want children. Oh, I liked children, but the responsibility that came with them…not so much. And there is no question that children bring huge changes in our lives, but they also bring many blessings. This morning, my daughter gifted me with some artwork and a homemade card for Mother’s Day. She also said, “I love you, Mommy.” The card, with artwork by her and her handwriting, was precious. I will most likely save that to show her some day. She’d drawn a portrait of me (not bad for a four year old, but I hope I don’t look like that. LOL) These moments make motherhood, and all its trials, worth it.

As many of you know, we’ve had some challenges. Last night, I slept not at all listening to the noises she made, afraid I’d miss the telltale signs of a seizure. (The last one, I found her on her back throwing up. I am not sure what woke me that night, other than maternal instinct.) Somehow, I have to come to a point where I trust I’ll wake up should it (pray that it doesn’t) happen again. Still, the joy on her face, her little arms wrapping around my neck for a hug, the sweet voice saying, “Mommy, I love you,” the innocent laughter, and the trust in her eyes make every sleepless night a night I willingly endure, or as willing as anyone can be in this situation.

Yesterday, my husband and I stopped into a local nail salon to pick up a gift certificate for his mother. This woman does so much for us. As a mother-in-law, and person in general, goes she is wonderful. Truly, I am so fortunate to have one like this. Anyway, we were in the salon waiting for the owner to help us, and I was listening to these two women talk about their boyfriends/husbands and how these men wanted to have six kids. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) One woman said, “I told him he’d get two.” The other said, “Well, I’d be fine if they were all at once.” (Speaks the voice of inexperience.) I laughed and told her, “Um, that’s because you don’t have any children. You have no idea what you are talking about.” Both of them laughed. I also said, “Tell them if they want six, they can carry them,” which made them laugh as well. I wasn’t kidding.

I thought I knew what motherhood would be like before my daughter’s birth. Yeah, it’s not so much like that. In many ways, it is better. In others, it’s much harder. One thing I can say: it is nothing like anything you imagined.

Another photo:

Mother's Day card with personalized artwork

As anger rolled through me, my mind suddenly shut it off. I love my husband and my daughter. Surely, I love them, don’t I? So, then, why am I nit picking at them? Why am I angry? The answer came suddenly: they weren’t the issue. What bothered me about them was actually things I didn’t like about myself. They acted as a mirror, reflecting me back at me. That extra weight (I’m not fat. I’m not fat. I’m not fat. LOL I know I’m not fat. I am beautiful just the way I am. Yes, yes, I am. LOL), that stubbornness, that desire to be in control–all of those traits were in me, and I didn’t like them. To love what I appeared to dislike in them meant I had to love that part of myself. The deeper I delved, the more I realized that the anger had nothing to do with them at all and everything to do with me. It was time to be gentle with me, to, if not love, at least like my reflection, to like me. From there, I could begin the process of loving myself.

That realization set me free.

Such a simple thing to realize with huge ramifications and something to remind myself every time I see something in someone else I don’t like. What I am seeing in them that irritates me is something I don’t like in myself, even if what I don’t like is really an illusion. (How often are truths we believe about ourself false? More frequently than we care to admit. )

So, the next time someone irritates/angers you, stop and ask yourself, “What trait are they exhibiting that I don’t like in me? Is this really true? Am I really that way? Or is it a false belief?”

Whatever the answer, instead of beating yourself up for it, be gentle and love that trait. With love, it will eventually disappear.

So, yesterday, I went from mildly perturbed to “okay, she’s entitled to her opinion whether I agree with it or not” to “I honestly don’t care one way or the other any more given what’s happened.”

What happened? My daughter had another seizure last night. It was scary, but this being the third time I’ve had to deal with it personally (not just show up at the ER) and armed with more information on how to deal with it, we managed it well enough at home. We didn’t call 911. We did what we needed to do, and she remembers none of it today.

And, last night, as I attempted to sleep, I realized that I had wasted too much energy and time thinking about that discussion. Honestly, what is important is not what some stranger thinks. My first responsibility is to protect my child, my family. I’m not going to change her opinion nor will I continue to be angry whether she thinks I’m educated enough to make decisions about my family just because she disagrees with them. She’s entitled to her opinion, and it doesn’t matter any more. I’ve got better things to spend my time on…like my daughter, her health, my health, my husband, my friends, my publishing houses and whatever else brings me joy.

Life is too short to worry about what others think. Sometimes, it takes a scary moment to bring everything into perspective, to see the big picture.

It becomes a puzzle, and for someone like me who likes puzzles, and a challenge, it’s nearly impossible to resist. When I started the research last year, there were nights I stayed up until 2-3 am doing research. One link would lead to another and another. I’d look at the clock, it was 10 p.m., and then I’d look at the clock again and 4-5 hours had passed.

Truly, this is addictive.

My main purpose for the research was to gather enough proof to join DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution). There are benefits to being a member, and the group in my area is really nice. The problem is having the type of proof they want. The one side with an annotated bibliography to the ancestor who fought during the Revolution–there is some dispute as to whom this ancestor belongs. The other side has at least two instances of ancestors who fought on the side of the colonists. The problem: My relatives came over the Oregon Trail. Family Bibles were lost, other records were destroyed in an Oregon flood, and the wife of my ancestor descended from the revolutionary fighter is barely mentioned. I found an obituary in a newspaper from 1802 stating that she was married to the revolutionary fighter, but their children weren’t named. And the other one, we are missing records as well.

It’s frustrating and rewarding all at the same time. And, I suppose, when I start researching again, I’ll be sucked into the Charybdis and have to fight my way out just like I did the last time. LOL

So, what’s your addiction?