Marci Baun

After the hit and run

Last week, my car was hit by someone dropping their kid off at the high school. They hit my car, parked in front of my house, and left. Yup. No note, just left. Nearly a week later, I finally took my car in for an estimate. It’s not a new car, but it runs okay. The heater core needs to be replaced, but other than that, it’s a good car. We have collision, so our insurance will cover it. (Do I think it should have to? No. Obviously, the person who hit my car should act like responsible and step forward, but, barring that, it is why we pay the insurance company.) So, I went into the auto body shop today to see what the damage is. It doesn’t look good.

The other car (a 4×4) rammed my car hard enough to push the back wheels 2′ from the curb. As a result, the left, front wheel is slightly tilted inward. (This would explain why the wheel feels like it’s wobbling when I drive.)

Back to the body shop. They looked at the car and shook their heads. It’s not a new car. I’ve had since 97, it’s paid for, it runs, and I can’t see the point in purchasing a new one…until now. If the damage is more than the car is worth, they will total it. My neighbor, who is in the insurance business, suggested that I purchase it back from the junk dealer and have it fixed with the money they give me for the totaled car. That’s a good idea. I wouldn’t have car payments. My insurance wouldn’t increase. My registration would continue to go down. But the car will go to a junkyard when there isn’t really that much wrong with it. In a few years, the transmission will probably go. That’ll be another couple thousand dollars, but I still get 25 miles to gallon  on the freeway, and I have a hard time just throwing something away that is still useful. And, yet, the insurance company would be more than willing to do so.

It doesn’t make sense to put more money into something than it’s worth. I understand this, but, in my mind, I have a hard time justifying sending a perfectly good car to a junk yard. Yes, it’s been damaged, but it can be fixed, and it makes me wonder just how many cars have ended up in the scrap yards just like mine. They have plenty of life left in them, but the damage exceeds the value, and they are deemed not worth fixing.

My last car I sold to someone who could use it. This one, I may not get the chance. So, do I follow the dictates of a throw away society and get a newer car (if mine’s totaled), or do I buy my car from the scrap yard and fix it with the money my insurance will provide?

I guess, until I know what will happen, no decision will be made. I’m just hoping my car can be saved.

Posted in Rant, Reflections | 19 Comments »

Today, as I sit here alone in the house, I wonder: am I a workaholic? Am I? Well, um, yes.

You see, my daughter and husband are over at my IL’s house right now, and I am at loose ends. What to do with this time? It’s Sunday. I should relax, but I am on my computer working instead. Oh, it’s a bit lackadaisical, but I am still working. I’ve been writing copy (very poor copy no less) for the New Voices competition website. (I am co-chair of EPIC’s New Voices competition.) I have uploaded some new titles to a few distribution sites. I keep checking my email. So, I haven’t done any heavy work, but nor can I just sit and relax. My dining room table needs to be cleared. I could do that. I could, but I won’t. My coffee table is once again covered with paper. (I am an online publisher. One would think I wouldn’t have so much &*$#% paper!) I could clear that off, and I might. It’s beautiful outside, a balmy 74 degrees. I could be out in the garden pulling weeds. It just doesn’t appeal.

Instead, I sit here, my butt glued to the couch, on my computer. Somehow, I can’t seem to tear myself away.

Perhaps I am not so much a workaholic. Perhaps I am just addicted to the computer.

Sigh… Maybe I need a life beyond my family and my publishing houses. LOL

Posted in Reflections | 5 Comments »

My daughter’s interpretation of me.

When I first met my husband, I didn’t want children. Oh, I liked children, but the responsibility that came with them…not so much. And there is no question that children bring huge changes in our lives, but they also bring many blessings. This morning, my daughter gifted me with some artwork and a homemade card for Mother’s Day. She also said, “I love you, Mommy.” The card, with artwork by her and her handwriting, was precious. I will most likely save that to show her some day. She’d drawn a portrait of me (not bad for a four year old, but I hope I don’t look like that. LOL) These moments make motherhood, and all its trials, worth it.

As many of you know, we’ve had some challenges. Last night, I slept not at all listening to the noises she made, afraid I’d miss the telltale signs of a seizure. (The last one, I found her on her back throwing up. I am not sure what woke me that night, other than maternal instinct.) Somehow, I have to come to a point where I trust I’ll wake up should it (pray that it doesn’t) happen again. Still, the joy on her face, her little arms wrapping around my neck for a hug, the sweet voice saying, “Mommy, I love you,” the innocent laughter, and the trust in her eyes make every sleepless night a night I willingly endure, or as willing as anyone can be in this situation.

Yesterday, my husband and I stopped into a local nail salon to pick up a gift certificate for his mother. This woman does so much for us. As a mother-in-law, and person in general, goes she is wonderful. Truly, I am so fortunate to have one like this. Anyway, we were in the salon waiting for the owner to help us, and I was listening to these two women talk about their boyfriends/husbands and how these men wanted to have six kids. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) One woman said, “I told him he’d get two.” The other said, “Well, I’d be fine if they were all at once.” (Speaks the voice of inexperience.) I laughed and told her, “Um, that’s because you don’t have any children. You have no idea what you are talking about.” Both of them laughed. I also said, “Tell them if they want six, they can carry them,” which made them laugh as well. I wasn’t kidding.

I thought I knew what motherhood would be like before my daughter’s birth. Yeah, it’s not so much like that. In many ways, it is better. In others, it’s much harder. One thing I can say: it is nothing like anything you imagined.

Another photo:

Mother's Day card with personalized artwork

Posted in Reflections | 11 Comments »

The other night, I lay in bed gnashing my teeth. I was in a foul mood. Not sure why, I nit picked at my loved ones because, well, I was in that kind of mood. Every thing they did irritated me. I was tired. I’d spent the week working on quarterly reports and the next week of more quarterly reports loomed ahead. I was exhausted, but my mind spun and spun and spun. Shutting it off proved impossible.

As anger rolled through me, my mind suddenly shut it off. I love my husband and my daughter. Surely, I love them, don’t I? So, then, why am I nit picking at them? Why am I angry? The answer came suddenly: they weren’t the issue. What bothered me about them was actually things I didn’t like about myself. They acted as a mirror, reflecting me back at me. That extra weight (I’m not fat. I’m not fat. I’m not fat. LOL I know I’m not fat. I am beautiful just the way I am. Yes, yes, I am. LOL), that stubbornness, that desire to be in control–all of those traits were in me, and I didn’t like them. To love what I appeared to dislike in them meant I had to love that part of myself. The deeper I delved, the more I realized that the anger had nothing to do with them at all and everything to do with me. It was time to be gentle with me, to, if not love, at least like my reflection, to like me. From there, I could begin the process of loving myself.

That realization set me free.

Such a simple thing to realize with huge ramifications and something to remind myself every time I see something in someone else I don’t like. What I am seeing in them that irritates me is something I don’t like in myself, even if what I don’t like is really an illusion. (How often are truths we believe about ourself false? More frequently than we care to admit. )

So, the next time someone irritates/angers you, stop and ask yourself, “What trait are they exhibiting that I don’t like in me? Is this really true? Am I really that way? Or is it a false belief?”

Whatever the answer, instead of beating yourself up for it, be gentle and love that trait. With love, it will eventually disappear.

Posted in Reflections | 2 Comments »

Yesterday, I allowed myself to get sidetracked with a discussion I had with the school nurse where my daughter will attend school next year. (We have a difference of opinions…surprise!) I think what bothered me the most about the discussion was the nurse treating me as if I was uneducated because our opinions differed. You know, she’s the health expert, so I, the lowly layman, must bow down to her expertise. Sorry, but I’m not that type of gal. I do my own research as I have discovered it’s best to be educated and not just accept what someone tells me. Also, with that education, I am better prepared to deal with whatever issue it is.

So, yesterday, I went from mildly perturbed to “okay, she’s entitled to her opinion whether I agree with it or not” to “I honestly don’t care one way or the other any more given what’s happened.”

What happened? My daughter had another seizure last night. It was scary, but this being the third time I’ve had to deal with it personally (not just show up at the ER) and armed with more information on how to deal with it, we managed it well enough at home. We didn’t call 911. We did what we needed to do, and she remembers none of it today.

And, last night, as I attempted to sleep, I realized that I had wasted too much energy and time thinking about that discussion. Honestly, what is important is not what some stranger thinks. My first responsibility is to protect my child, my family. I’m not going to change her opinion nor will I continue to be angry whether she thinks I’m educated enough to make decisions about my family just because she disagrees with them. She’s entitled to her opinion, and it doesn’t matter any more. I’ve got better things to spend my time on…like my daughter, her health, my health, my husband, my friends, my publishing houses and whatever else brings me joy.

Life is too short to worry about what others think. Sometimes, it takes a scary moment to bring everything into perspective, to see the big picture.

Tags: Reflections, seizures
Posted in Reflections | 13 Comments »